The proverbial pendulum has begun to swing... I've taken steps to start loosening that financial noose I've put around my neck. Also, there are several massive domestic changes (and challenges) ahead of me in the next two to three months, and they've already begun to manifest. To be honest... I'm scared, and nervous.

Bottom line is... we are all responsible for our own happiness. Yet, why have I always felt that my happiness has to come at the expense of other peoples' happiness? Catholic guilt? My mother's DNA? LOL! I've put aside so much joy in my life just not to upset my parents, and I regret it. I regret is so deeply. Their masks have been removed, and the people they are inside were never deserving of that sacrifice. *sigh* At least, I get some comfort in the realization and acceptance that there is no such thing as a perfect, rosey family. Sweet God... just look at the Bradys. To the casual, outside, TV-watching, observer they were the model family. Yet, off camera, half of them were fucking each other. Go figure.

I've got to trust myself, and my heart to do what I feel is right for me. We are responsible for own happiness in this life. I keep remembering that moment from Mists of Avalon, as Merlin lays dying he tells Vivian, The Lady of the Lake (Angelica Houston) to find a moment of happiness in her life that is hers alone. She had sacrificed so much for others and that "greater good", that along the way she forgot about herself and her own joy.

I feel as though I'm about to rock the boat on a cosmic level. Yet I know that when the waters settle, and the storm clouds pass (after all is said and done)... I'll finally be where I've needed to be all along... and that's happy... and next to Brighton... for the rest of my life. Don't miss reread me, I don't want to sound foolish or optomistically naive. I know there will be ups and downs (there always are), but I choose to celebrate.

(Non-Cryptic Translation: My consolidation loan went through. *yeah* I will be credit card debt free in less than five years, and my monthly payments are going to be a bit lower too! *super yeah* Chances are very high, that Brighton and I will finally be moving in together in the next two or three months, and be getting "civil-unionized" shortly after. My parents will probably have a heart attack. LOL.)