I have always loved going Christmas shopping. To be honest, on one level, I think my reasons for it were egotistical... I prided myself on never buying generic gifts for my friends or family. I loved picking out just the right thing, regardless of its cost (hence why my credit cards are the way they are today ~ LOL ~ I'm convinced that in a past life, I must have been a filthy-rich sultan who enjoyed giving lavish gifts for no reason. Sadly, in THIS current life... I am NOT a sultan... but I'm richer than I've ever been).
This year, things were different. I haven't done any freelance work in about seven months, and my savings account has just under $5 in it. I had barely been able to set aside $100 for Christmas shopping, and there's about twenty people on my list. Most of them family. When Brighton and I were Christmas shopping over the weekend, I checked my ATM balance and there was a little over $60 left. I had $60 left to finish Christmas shopping and get me through 'till payday on Friday? *Yikes* ~ I became very quiet, and really just wanted to cry. I wouldn't be able to buy anything for Brighton... or my best friend, Mabelyn and her boyfriend. As ridiculous as this will sound... I felt as though I had somehow failed them. Stupid, huh? I guess I can thank the modern-day commercialization of the holidays for that one. Afterall, you don't really love someone unless you can buy them that new car or plasma TV, right? I was heartbroken at the idea that I would disappoint the ones I loved most, and it was written on my face.
I unintentionally made Brighton sad, because I became so sad. The next morning, from across a pillow, through his teary eyes at mine, he asked me how I could feel so sad, when I have already given him more than anyone in his life ever has... and that I was the best gift he has ever gotten in his life.
Brighton saved Christmas for me... not just because he helped me buy the last few gifts for my family that I needed to, but because for the first time in my life... there's someone IN my life, who finally honestly loves me... and what an amazing feeling it is to know that after so many years of having walked alone; of feeling like the outside observerer of everyone else's life; that the story of MY life has finally changed.
I love you, bo-bo.