Several years ago, my best friend and I put an enormous project on our laps. We wanted to launch an underground artists' magazine that showcased all forms of expression within its pages; art, poetry, sculpture, dance, music, writing, etc.

We were ambitious. We wanted to put something together that no one has seen before. Something powerful... something fabulous... and we did. The response to the website was overwhelming. Submissions still pour in. We learned how to put together a magazine business plan from scratch (try doing an internet search for a sample of one... ZILCH!). We even landed an international distribution contract. Unfortunately, we were never able to raise the capital needed to launch PANDORA magazine (we needed about two million dollars ~ LOL).

It's difficult for me to talk about PANDORA magazine. I usually change the subject as politely as I can when it's brought up. We put so much of our hearts and souls into this project, just to watch it sit on a desk and wait. I don't know what direction PANDORA will take in the future, but I can't help feeling like I failed. It's easy for me to intellectualize the situation and say, "Raising that kind of capital is a VERY difficult thing to do." We put an enormous mountain in front of ourselves, and for two people (with scattered help), we accomplished so much. We should be proud of how far we did get. That's easy to say.

I don't know what form PANDORA magazine will take in the future, but I don't think I've given up. That's not really my nature, but something needs to change. I'm getting back to basics. Back to me. While, I was working on PANDORA, I let so much of what I wanted personally to go to the side. That's why the reconstruction of Azodnem.com is so important to me now. It's me. It's MY interests. MY art. MY writings. ME. I've misplaced ME somewhere along the way. I need to get ME back.

I recently gathered up the PDF files of almost the entire first issue, and will probably be putting together a slideshow of what we accomplished, and showcase it in my portfolio on Azodnem. I need some type of "temporary" closure right now, and I think that will give it to me.

(Update: I finished creating the Flash Slideshow of the layouts Mabelyn and I designed for PANDORA magazine. I posted it up on Azodnem.com, but wanted to share it here as well.)

My life is leading me in a new direction at the moment, and to be honest, I partly feel guilty about that. Much of the skills, PANDORA magazine taught me are going to come in very handy. Everything happens for a reason? Perhaps. Again, Easy to say. I'm just not ready to fully close the box yet.