You know what... I'm tired of fucking bitching!

Let's talk about some positive stuff instead. The house we're moving into is only about half-an-hour from where I live now in a very quiet neighborhood (until we get there! LOL) It has three floors. The upstairs consists of two bedrooms (almost identical in size), and a small landing inbetween them. The main (first) floor has the Living Room, Dining Room, Kitchen, and Bathroom. The Basement is finished, and can be turned into another small-hangout lounge, even though the boiler, laundry machine and dryer are down there. The backyard has a small deck (which needs repair), a hottub (which needs removal! LOL), and two trees. One of which is enormous. It has a name... which just "popped" into my head, as I was in the yard looking at it. LOL. It's called "Gindlefyn". LOL.

 Brighton and I have finally compromised on a color for the interior of our house. Actually... more like... HE compromised on MY color. LOL. We're going to be painting the Living Room, Dining Room, upstairs landing and downstairs landing a color called "Willow Hedge". It's in the greenish-grey-sage family. I find it to be a very soothing color that actually goes really well with almost anything, but if he's not totally convinced, we'll go with something else. We're going to paint our bedroom "Chocolate", and probably stain the upstairs floor a "Dark Ash". I have no idea what color to do the office yet, but it'll most likely stay in the Earth-tones. I was even thinking the reddish or wine family for the office, but then I'd have to rethink some of the furniture I have. I actually wouldn't mind refinishing some of my old furniture anyway. Making them black? Problem is... how easy that? I've had some of these pieces since High School, and I'm not sure if they're real wood (most probably not). Is a can of spray paint enough? Or is that too ghetto? LOL.

~ 17 days left till I move. ~

My niece's "Quinceañera" was wonderful. Most of her court consisted of friends from her dance school, so their entrance into the hall was choreographed and just fabulous! They danced to a medley of disco music, and instead of dancing a slow sentimental song with her dad... they did the hustle! LOL. There were a few minor dilemmas (what event doesn't haven them?) LOL... 1. the engraved crystal Tinkerbell on her cake fell and broke (but was krazy-glued back together. She has a few "scars", but she survived the night. LOL. Tinker-Fell. LOL) 2. The big silver balloon "N" in her name popped while setting up the decorations (but someone from the hall took care of it, ordered and picked up a replacement from Party City.)

There was a layer of tension between my mother and I (of course), but it was "under-the-hood" for most of the night. I really did my best to just take it, and swallow it down.

I ended up venting a great deal to my friend, Millie, on Sunday morning though, and I got pretty emotional about it. She's actually my sister's best friend, but I've always felt a closeness to her because she has gone through some VERY serious issues with her mother (to the extent that they haven't spoken in almost thirteen years). The talk with her gave me a very much needed sense of peace. I'm tired of hurting. I'm tired of venting. I'm tired of being angry. I'm just tired.

I returned the rented suit last night, and unexpectedly bumped into my brother-in-law at the store (he was also returning his suit! LOL). Thankfully, he gave me a ride home, and we had a good chat about things. Oddly enough, later last night, I received a late call from another friend of my mine, Dorys. She provided a much needed ear as well.

It's not my nature to vent out my frustrations with others easily, or to feel so angry so often. There have been moments, especially lately, when I have felt that the "glass is filled to the rim", and I can't take a single drop more. All I want to do is dig a hole in the ground and scream into it until there is not a breath left in me that's capable of making a sound... but that's not me. I don't break. I'm not allowed to. I've been fortunate though, I've been given a very strong support-mechanism. Friends are family by choice, not chance. No matter how much I may want to, they won't let me break.

There is so much I am looking forward to in my life. So much I am going to do and accomplish. So much joy... so much love is waiting for me... I can feel that. I know that. But I need to be free. I need to let go of this anger and hate before it eats me whole, otherwise I WILL share my mother's fate, and be nothing but a bitter soul walking this Earth. I will not be robbed of my tomorrows, by someone who chose not to have hers.